Currently, what brings me tears is the most meaningful work I’ve ever had in my life. It brings new meaning to what a job can be. It also causes the following thoughts…
I find it hard to trust God’s plan for my life.
I have to trust that leaving a volunteering job with children whom I love (yes- and I promise I’m not using that word lightly) is what I’m supposed to be doing; I am supposed to return to my university and never know if or when I will see these children again- the kids that have taught me so much and I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to be in their lives for these past six months.
I have to trust that when I’m gone, someone else will create a space for laughter and silliness in the world of a child with violence at home and anxiety in school. I’ll have to trust that thirty precious, intelligent toddlers will be held for more than 5 minutes each a day when their clothes are changed.
There are COUNTLESS similarly heartbreaking stories; I could keep explaining for hours, but without any viable solutions.
The gap between what these children deserve and what they receive is too great- or at least this is how I see it. As a student hoping to finish my degree and go to grad school, I don’t have the time now to give them something that they taught me all about giving as I received it from them- unconditional love. Each child needs this- so why do so many not receive this? It is anything BUT their fault, and I don’t know if anything hurts like observing the effects of a lack of care and affection in AMAZING children.
If you need a more concrete example of what I mean:
A regular occurrence: five toddlerse fall back and three hit their heads on the wood floor because you could only catch two in your arms. However, they’ll keep doing it for every volunteer because there’s a chance that they will be held, even if just for seconds. Also, there are not many volunteers, so this is part of why they go through so much pain for the possibility of human interaction.
(If you’re able to give time or money to change this, please look into helping great children under the guidance of great workers who manage this exhausting work day-in and day-out. If you want to meet heroes, you’ll find them here.)
I doubt my own abilities as I watch for progress, and even though no one expects leaps of progress with the month I’m working with a particular client, it’s something I expect of myself- and it scares me each time I notice a road block that probably won’t be resolved in the time remaining.
The best feeling in the world is when a child KNOWS you will help them, hug them, give them attention, and praise them. They run to you, over, and over, and over…every time you see them. They all scramble to you when you’re sitting, and climb ALL over you for a hug.
I can’t be there with the kids anymore, but I’m doing something that I need to learn its importance:
PLEASE pray for these children and their futures- that they may have bright futures, and if their own families can’t give them love, that they may know God’s love through others and through the joy that religion can bring…which sounds so odd, but I thought this was a nice reminder that I’m definitely using from a friend’s recent Facebook post-
I don’t expect people to ‘get’ religion; it’s different for everyone.
All I know is that I’m nothing without my faith, and I could do NONE of this work without working on my faith as I go.
Hope you are all well, readers! Comments welcome, as always.